Random, please don't purge this journal, I might actually get back to it one day when university isn't killing me and work robbing me of my last nerve post. Ignore it. Nothing here to see. Unless you're one of those people I've been ignoring. Then I'm sorry and I probably miss you.

</meme

If your reading list for the next few months isn't full yet, get Andrew Davison's The Gargoyle.

I forced myself to read slowly and not everything in one go and it still only lasted four days. The book is ugly. It's detailed and gruesome and not for the faint of heart. And it's beautiful and slow and aching and the words are art. By far the best book I've read since Ink and the new number three on my favorite list.

The Gargoyle is about a man getting burned in a car accident. He used to be beautiful and rich, a pornostar and drug addict. He used to be perfectly decadent and decadently perfect. Now all that's left is the 'Holocaust of his skin' and the bitchsnake in his spine. Then Marianne Engel shows up. She's a patient from the psych ward in the hospital he lies in and she tells him stories of their past life together, seven hundred years ago. And somewhere along the line, she saves his soul, slowly, bit by bit.

If you do read it, pay attention to the symbols. Every tiny thing comes back, is repeated, is giving a myriad of meanings that make it all so perfect. Religion plays a big part, but not in the way that usuall bugs me. It's faith and symbols more than Christianity in this story and *le sigh*, just go buy that book, will ya?

Have to stop correctly predicting plot lines of movies after the first ten minutes.

Especially out loud.

It makes people cranky and kind of ruins the movie. Which is why I usually don't watch much TV. But people never believe me when I tell them that watching TV is like reading yesterday's weather report to me. Funny enough, afterwards they usually do believe me. The only one I can watch movies with it B. Either he falls asleep halfway through or we perv about the hawt guys.

So, anyone else who's mind works like a script? Or is my disease a special one?

Toodles

My father just bought me a digi cam. For no reason at all. Just, "Come downstairs for a moment, I got soemthnig for you." He's seven kinds of awesome. And I got a 2GB SDHC card and one of thsoe cute little bags to go with it, too. I'm just....*squees* totally awesome-d!

Today's Random Fact You Could Have Done Without:

Going commando is not for me. No sireeeee. It makes me itchy.

That is all. I have to get back to my feminist literature paper from hell now. Whatever made me study languages?... Scratch that, whatever made me go to college? I would have made a great homeless messiah.

I just kicked a good twenty people from my flist and quit almost as many communities.

College is taking up about three times as much of my life as school ever did and I'm not sixteen anymore. So there. It's not my intetion to snub anyone but if I want to have any chance at all at keeping up with anything around here, Well, it neeeded to be done. There were a lot of people on my flist I haven't talked to in ages, be that my fault or theirs.

As for the communities, I've left most of the fandoms they deal with and never pay them any attention anymore anyway.

So basically, this is my trying to say that I'll try to catch up and please don't be mad at me for being a very bad, bad friend.

I need some American help, please!?

I'm in dire need of a recipe for American Pancakes. Everything I googled seemed incredibly fancy but all I need is the basic batter. Does anyone have a moment to help, pretty please?

Thanks.

If I said I missed you, would you believe me?
If I said I want to ask you something, would you listen?
If I said I'm tired, would you let me sleep?
If I said I'm sorry, would you care?
And if I said I never meant to be like this, would it make a difference?

I miss you. Do you miss me? I'm tired. I'm sorry.

But I'm not going to change.

I finally decided the hell with it and got that tattoo before I could chicken out on the motive again. And it didn't hurt half as much as everyone claimed it did. The only problem, getting your ankle tattoed in the depths of winter isn't the smartest idea because I'll spend the next week running around in high heeled shoes because they're the only pair I own that's open in the back.

And for all those who care (dial ups beware. That rhymes.)

( Octogram, the eight pointed star, symbol of Ishtar, Babylonian goddess of love and war )

Currently, I'm looking forward to spending a night with a touch sensitive foot.

Ta

Current Location: couch
I'm feeling: accomplished
Noise: chattering family

A Happy New Year and all the best to all of you.

Keep your chin up, your head down and don't get into too much trouble, alright? I hope you have a great night and a wonderful party. And little hangover in the morning at noon.

Ta

That's what I'm doing. Quitting. My job. Which makes me sooo mad. But... I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?

( Beginning here )

I finally got around to setting up that yahoo group where, hopefully, all the fic will come together.

Have a look here, please?

Uni starts tomorrow. Gahhhhhh!

Love, G'night

You're on my friends list. I'd like to know 27 things about you. Just copy and hit reply and paste in the comments section with answers. Thanks! You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends after this! Then copy the meme and see if anyone answers you.

( Questions Here )

I almost fainted. Say it with me: Fainted. Stupid incense. Stupid funerals. Stupid overcrowed church. Stupid fucking K. who has to die two months after graduation with on warning. Stupid stupid stupid.

I have never fainted in my life but in that church I first went deaf then spotty vision and then blind, fled the building and spent the next twenty minutes trying to breathe and not drop dead. Ha bloody ha, pun intended. Yes, I'm tasteless.

I've never seen a funeral this big. 300 people isn't enough. I think a good 80 of all of us 94 were there. Which is more than we were usually at school. So were most teachers, some who have a more than 100 km drive up from Munich. And everyone was crying and bitching and moaning and I hate funerals.

I couldn't stand her. She was constantly happy, annoying as shit, never took anything serious and way too normal for me. But no-one, absolutely no-one deserves to be wrapped around a tree at age 19 and this my last tribute to a girl I didn't like. After that I'll but the newspaper clippings in the shoebox they belong in and not fake anything I don't feel. I'm an asshole.

And my stupid fucking head is about to explode.

So long, then.

Allie woke up 8AM
Graduation day.
Got into a car,
And crashed along the way.

When we arrived late to the wake,
Stole the urn while they
Looked away,
And drove to the beach
'Cause I knew you'd want it
That way.

And you were standing
On the hood of the car
Singing out loud
When the sun came up.

And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime

It felt like a lifetime

And you move like water
I could drown in you.
And I fell so deep once,
Till you pulled me through

You would tell me
"No one is allowed to be so proud
They never reach out
When they're giving up."

And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime

Are you sitting in the lights?
Or combing your hair again,
And talking in rhymes?
Are you sitting in the lights?

When I got home, heard the phone,
Your parents had arrived.
And your dad set his jaw
Your mom just smiled and sighed.

But they left soon
And I went to my room.
Played that disc that you'd given me,
And I shut my eyes
Swear I could hear the sea.

When we were standing
On the hood of your car
Singing out loud when the sun came up.

And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes,
Three and a half minutes,

Felt like a lifetime.

I think Luci cried when I played that in the car on the way back home.

A girl from school died yesterday.

I didn't know her very well or, hell, even like her much, but she was one of us, you know. Two days ago we laughed about something silly she did at graduation and now she's dead. Doesn't really stick.

So, shit, basically. Just needed to say it out loud.

Over and out.

I think. Just in case you missed me.

You know, I've sepnt the last twelve hours lying in bed telling myself 'You're home'. It just doesn't stick. I just don't know what to do with myself. No idea why, I was only gone two weeks. I've been gone for twice as long at a time. But no, this time I just can't get back to earth.

Which is why I'm writing this, I guess. My try at normalcy. Besides, who wants to deal with RL when there's a flist that needs catching up?

So.... What did I miss in the cliff version? What happened, who did who, what new rumors do we have and why isn't anyone on msn this lovely Thursday morning?

Erm, ok. I forget that some of you have lives. And work. Sorry.

Anyway, update me, ok? I's waaaay easier than trying to work through two weeks of missed flist while my computer is only semi coorporating.

Ta Ta

My cousin is in town for the first time in almost four years. On the one hand it's as if nothing's changed and on the other he might as well be acomplete stranger. There goes my first best friend, I guess.

And it makes me feel all funny to see a grown man and know that he's my little cousin because it means that I'm an adult as well and so much has happened snce we last saw each other. We're not he same people anymore and I really don't know what to make of this. It'S not like I'm sobbing my black little heart out or anything but,... wistful, I guess is the word.

Things are simply changing too fast for me lately.

G'night and Ta Ta

Finally fixed my MSN account. Drop me a line, Faith1922 it is.

No, I couldn't resist. They lack style, but I had to vent my frustraions somehow. Have fun.

Teaser:

a, b,

( Read more... )

As always please: Want, comment, take, credit.

So, here I am and this time I can rant all I want because I survived the book.

SPOILER FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS

( JKR had better duck! )

Feeling better now.

I'm thinking of what Sarah said,
Love is watching someone die
.
So who's gonna watch you die?

In ink. Across the ceiling of my room. I'm being creative again. Duck!


Change of subject: Where did lj go yesterday?


Ta Ta

My flist kind of amuses me right now. Every post either says Beware of the Spoilers or Don't Spoil Me. Nothing but Deathly Hallows all around.

Personally, I don't like the book, which is why I'm only in the middle of the book. It doesn't amuse me. And here comes the spoilery complaints:

Spoiler

( I'm getting spoiled right here )

Have Fun Kiddies.

Is happy owner of Deathly Hallows and will now log off the web. See you in 608 pages.

HELP ME

Thirty seconds of your time, if you please, ladies:

Does anyone know if Queer as Folk ever got released as DVD in Australia? Cuz I can't get it in Europe in any language I speak and your silly American DVDs don't like my player.


Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaselpleeeeeeeeze!!!

Thanks in advance nad lots of love to anyone who can answer. Or even better,m mail me the third sason?! ;P

Forgive the excessive use of expletives in the following rant:

I am currently all drugged out on rum and painkillers. Yes, we learned a long time ago that you do not mix those two. We also learned, not much later, that it's the cheapest piece of oblivion you'll ever find.

And believe me, today I fucking need it.

The day started with me waking up almost two hours too early. No harm done, right, turn aroun and sleep som more.

Then there was that last day of the two week internship at primary school to suffer through. A field trip. With 22 first graders. Or so I thought. Actually there were 69 of them. So let me sum that up: Heat, hiking, cranky kids that cling to you, no oilet, teachers that don't give a fuck, four crying childen in less than three hours.

My Mom always said me and my sister annoyed the hell out of her by asking, "Are we there yet?" Today, I had almost 70 children asking the very same wuestion. Repeatedly. And they forgot things. They fought. They cried. They bitched. They moaned. They got lost in a fucking corn field. They clung to me like a wet shirt. They actually jumped on me.

But, alas, I prevailed. And I made it home in one piece after fighting for full ten minutes to get out of the parking lot. Damn Audi Z4 parking in the middle of the lane.

I attempted to shower. Got held up by my uncle for thirty minutes. Got into the shower. Found out my shampoo is all gone ad used up. Shaved. Cut myself. Where? Yes, right there. Do you have concept of how fucking much that hurts? And how much more it bleeds?

Patched myself up and tried to crawl into bed and not come out anymore. Nope, we're going out for lunch, get going. Me getting going, looking like shit and feeling it too. Such outings are never good for a girl's self esteem.

My next deed of heroism? I watered my fucking laptop. Oured half a glass of waer all over the keyboard and screen. Put i in the oven on the lowest possible heat to dry it after water got behind the screen and the keyborad died on me. Spent the next 85 minutes parying and hoping that it would be fixable. And my Mom, getting angry and upset sooo didn't help matters.

It works again. The water behind the screen is slowly drying up and the keyboard is back to 100%. Yay.

Then the cat brought home a profoundly bleeing but still rther fat mouse.

Afterwards I sat there, waiting for a miracle to happen and my laptop to not be broken and somehow got my fingers on a big fat black marker. Not my smartest idea, but I drew pretty patterns on my right foot.

Then I went to sleep. After a full 17,5 minutes my mother woke my by screaming at the top of her lungs. I woke up to find my formerly drenched bed now smeared with black marker. Yay again.

Use the bathroom and realize that, five and a half hours later, I'm stil bleeding like a freaking pig. Not amused. At all. Ever. Again.

Help with dinner. So pleasant. Have dinner with a lot of grumpy people. Decide to get inebritated. So do. Have father complain about wanting some rum and coke, too. I told him that I don't share my rum. And the parental front went all defensive and pissy. So, drop everything and serve daddy his sweet oblivion only to have him compain that it's piss warm.

What I forgot to mention: The 45 things I dropped today. The 38 things that were in the wrong room. the 27 times things didn't work as they should and the 367897 times I wished to be a potted plant.

I am undecided on whether I am feeling homicidal or like crying.

So, fuck you all, I'm going to bed now and hoping the drug level in my body is high enough for me to forget all about the last 24 hours of my life.

Enjoy your life. One of us should.

And please do not bother to piint out the multiple speeling mistakes. My level of inebriation is just getting high enough for me to not really give a shit, grammar or content wise. Besides, I might start crying for real.